Kirby: We Are All Products of ‘Forced’ Religion
Related
- Baptizing the dead
- May 7:
- Kirby: Did we Mormons baptize your deceased loved one? I can help
- May 6:
- Proxy LDS baptisms: Founding Fathers, too
- May 5:
- Obama’s mother posthumously baptized into LDS Church
If I can believe all the “check is in the mail” response I got to last week’s column offering excommunication for the dead for those who are unhappy that Mormons baptized their dead relatives, I am well on my way to becoming a millionaire.
E-mail orders poured in from people anxious to ensure that their ancestors didn’t become the Mormon undead through proxy baptism.
My grandfather‘s name is Ed. Please commit adultery in your heart for him with Dolly Parton.
Sweet. I want a franchise when you’re up and running. What about stock?
You got competition, dude. I’ll do the same thing for a hundred bucks.
Wow. Who knew there was so much money to be made in undoing the service of the Lord?
But my favorite responses were from the peeved; those who insisted their ancestors would never become Mormons because they had all been staunch [pick one] while alive.
Reader: “What Mormons are doing is an insult to my ancestors. My people have always been Catholic.”
Her ancestors [hollering from the other side]: “No we haven’t. We were pagans until the %*$&@ Romans came.”
Say what you want about missionaries, the greatest conversion tool in the history of the world has been the sword. Baptism for the Dead is nothing compared to Baptism or Be Dead.
As nice as it is to think about freedom of choice in religion, we’re all trickle-down products of some sort of “forced” religion.
Most people who have a particular faith got at least a semblance of it from their parents, who got it from their ancestors, who got it from whatever culture overran and dominated theirs. Those who didn’t convert at the point of a sword did so through gradual assimilation and social pressure.
Islam and Christianity are the two biggest culprits. Simple benevolence isn’t what made them the largest two religions on the planet today. They spread their faith through conquest and then enforcement.
Most Latinos and American Indians wouldn’t be Christian today had it not been forced on them. And not only would most blacks in America not be Christian, they wouldn’t even be in America.
The same is true of me. My ancestors converted to Mormonism from Anglicanism in merry old England. Before that, we were Catholic (if we knew what was good for us), and before that we probably painted ourselves blue and danced naked around a maypole.
Not only do people change religions, the religions themselves change. More than 150 years later, I’m still Mormon, but it would probably drive my great-grandfather nuts that I only have one wife and I don’t live on a collective. What he believed in back then isn’t even on the program today.
Go back far enough and your ancestors would be shaking their heads at what you became. All that faith and tradition and you didn’t turn out anything like you were supposed to. Here’s the kicker: Neither will your descendants.
Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com.
Kirby: Whether by Mormons or not, we’re all products of ‘forced’ religion
Updated: 05/16/2009 04:26:08 PM MDT
Related
- Baptizing the dead
- May 7:
- Kirby: Did we Mormons baptize your deceased loved one? I can help
- May 6:
- Proxy LDS baptisms: Founding Fathers, too
- May 5:
- Obama’s mother posthumously baptized into LDS Church
If I can believe all the “check is in the mail” response I got to last week’s column offering excommunication for the dead for those who are unhappy that Mormons baptized their dead relatives, I am well on my way to becoming a millionaire.
E-mail orders poured in from people anxious to ensure that their ancestors didn’t become the Mormon undead through proxy baptism.
My grandfather‘s name is Ed. Please commit adultery in your heart for him with Dolly Parton.
Sweet. I want a franchise when you’re up and running. What about stock?
You got competition, dude. I’ll do the same thing for a hundred bucks.
Wow. Who knew there was so much money to be made in undoing the service of the Lord?
But my favorite responses were from the peeved; those who insisted their ancestors would never become Mormons because they had all been staunch [pick one] while alive.
Reader: “What Mormons are doing is an insult to my ancestors. My people have always been Catholic.”
Her ancestors [hollering from the other side]: “No we haven’t. We were pagans until the %*$&@ Romans came.”
Say what you want about missionaries, the greatest conversion tool in the history of the world has been the sword. Baptism for the Dead is nothing compared to Baptism or Be Dead.
As nice as it is to think about freedom of choice in religion, we’re all trickle-down products of some sort of “forced” religion.
Most people who have a particular faith got at least a semblance of it from their parents, who got it from their ancestors, who got it from whatever culture overran and dominated theirs. Those who didn’t convert at the point of a sword did so through gradual assimilation and social pressure.
Islam and Christianity are the two biggest culprits. Simple benevolence isn’t what made them the largest two religions on the planet today. They spread their faith through conquest and then enforcement.
Most Latinos and American Indians wouldn’t be Christian today had it not been forced on them. And not only would most blacks in America not be Christian, they wouldn’t even be in America.
The same is true of me. My ancestors converted to Mormonism from Anglicanism in merry old England. Before that, we were Catholic (if we knew what was good for us), and before that we probably painted ourselves blue and danced naked around a maypole.
Not only do people change religions, the religions themselves change. More than 150 years later, I’m still Mormon, but it would probably drive my great-grandfather nuts that I only have one wife and I don’t live on a collective. What he believed in back then isn’t even on the program today.
Go back far enough and your ancestors would be shaking their heads at what you became. All that faith and tradition and you didn’t turn out anything like you were supposed to. Here’s the kicker: Neither will your descendants.
Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com.